Let me just start by saying my day began playing Civilization VI. I bought it for my iPad a few weeks ago when it went temporarily on sale at 60% off. I started a tutorial game last night around 10pm and forced myself to quit at 1am.

Eric lent me his Bose noise-canceling headphones to see if that would make his snoring more tolerable. So at 1am, on a boat in the Amazon, I stopped gaming and put on white noise — of the brown noise variety for those curious. I could only hear the crescendos of his snoring where he’d wake himself up, but the headphones totally took the edge off, and by 1:30am I was out cold.

5:30am came to soon! The boat was awake with dawn’s early light, and sunrise arrived shortly thereafter. I couldn’t resist a few photos, but then tried to eek out another hour of sleep. Then it was breakfast (eggs, goat cheese tapioca blintz things, watermelon, and sweet tea) while we motored one more time back to where we first boarded the boat.

After tipping the boat crew and loading our belongings in a pickup truck and trailer hitched behind, we set off for 6 hours of driving to President Figueiredo, Amazonas’s famous waterfalls.

But less than an hour in, our truck lost power, and the engine started knocking badly. Erikes and his father-in-law, who we didn’t realize was in the back of the truck, looked under the hood but didn’t see anything obvious.

We figured it had something to do with the quality of the gas that his father-in-law had just siphoned (by mouth) out of another vehicle. Seemed to me like maybe it had water or something in it? Erikes tried to continue driving it for another 20 minutes. The road was just one big hill after another, and we’d go 5 mph up the hill in lowest gear, then as fast as possible down the other side, trying to build momentum into the next hill. With the painful knocking and backfiring sounds, it was like riding the start of a roller coaster. Click, click, click, click, …… wheeeee!

This would have turned the remaining 5 hours into the next 2 days if we kept at this pace. Another deep consultation under the hood, joined by another boat crew person who apparently had been riding in the trailer the whole time. It was like clowns coming out of a Volkswagen. How many people were riding back there in the luggage trailer?! Among other things, they inspected and cleaned wires leading to the spark plugs, and that seemed to resolve the issue long enough to burn off the rest of the shitty gas and pick back up the pace.

I’ve said it before, but Erikes’ driving, bless his heart, is the only danger we’ve encountered in the Amazon. Other than the vegetation. Every plant here wants you to die and rot away right above its root system. The animals on the other hand are total sweethearts. And the humans are kind, generous, quick to smile, and can I just say unrealistically attractive? Young, old, women, men, in the city or in the woods: Brazil, you are HOT! But damnit, Erikes, it’s okay if we get to the waterfall 30 minutes later… I hope the 130kph in an 80 zone isn’t just to entertain the Americans! 😬

Just FYI, we’re at about 2° south of the equator.

We did survive the trip to the first waterfall/grottos, after swapping the truck and trailer for the little car halfway, and having Brazilian BBQ for lunch. (It’s a lost branding opportunity if you ask me, but they just call it BBQ here.) The caves adjacent to the waterfall were formed when this part of the Amazon was under the ocean. Jurassic Park meets Waterworld is all I can conjure in my head. Which is good because Jurassic Park theme song is already stuck playing on repeat in there. Question: Does Waterworld have a theme song? And, is Waterworld one or two words? Answer: Who cares? [Future Benj: Nobody does, Benj of Yore. Nobody does. But it’s one word, and does have a theme song.]

Tomorrow requires another 5:30am wake up to squeeze in our last day of Amazon Mystery Touring at Presidente Figueiredo. So I better get done blogging and get started gaming!

I woke up at 5:39am. This is the recipe for getting more done by 10am than you do all day when you only wake up at 10am. We were sleeping in hammocks slung under a pavilion at Erikes’ friend’s campground a bit north of Presidente Figueiredo. Here’s the sand pitch we played soccer in yesterday.

First we noticed the flat tire when driving away from camp. Pushed the car to a flat spot, jacked it up, off with the flat, on with the spare. Leaving camp, take II.

Next we stopped at a restaurant (which all tend to be outdoor picnic table affairs) for breakfast. I had omelette simples (no meat?) and a cafe pure (black?). Erikes joined us halfway thru and ate our leftovers. He’d already gotten the flat repaired! Then he gave me 50 cents to use the pay toilet near the restaurant. There was no TP in there, so I recovered some barely soiled TP from the trash can and made due. Already important life decisions being made and it’s barely 7am!

I really dug this bas-relief mural across the street from the breakfast place in Presidente. I wish they had it in postcard format.

We drove an hour to another friend’s private property, and hiked an hour, nearly 3 miles, to a spectacular waterfall. (What had you accomplished by 10am?) Yesterday’s was wide, but today’s was tall. Yesterday’s was crowded, but we were probably the only ones to see today’s waterfall for weeks in either direction. On our way in we saw a good-sized spider monkey jumping tree to tree in the rainforest canopy. Also several macaws on the way out. And a cute tiny 3-legged frog. Harry would be excited, except no darts.

We hit lunch at a roadside restaurant at noon, where I drank Fanta and ate a whole fish. Delicious on both counts!

Then to a serious cave system, Caverna do Maroaga. Here they supply the guides, so Erikes took a break from babysitting us. 😘 Our guide didn’t speak English, so we used universal gestures and smiles, and that sufficed. It was the usual, roughly 1 hour hike in. The caves were dark on the inside, but I took a very Blaire Witch video of us inside by the guide’s flashlight. Looking backward at the last bit of daylight, I could see the silhouette of bats swooping. All very cool. Then we hiked around to the other side where there’s a nice grotto shower, Gruta da Judéia, we could splash around in to cool off before the return hike.

Eric had had enough fun for the day and wanted to get back to our camp, so after a quick FaceTime between Moe, Emily, and Ada as we drove through Presidente Figuereido’s brief cell tower coverage, we returned to camp. It wasn’t even long enough to download a single song, never mind the album I was hoping for: Chris Pureka’s Driving North. (Radio has been hit or miss, and we’ve spent a lot of time in the car lately!)

I sat in the river drinking beer and reading my book (Everything Matters) for the rest of the afternoon. I’m nearly done, maybe one more sitting to go… Still loving it!

Tomorrow we’ll hit one more waterfall early, then drive back to Manaus to begin part 2 of our trip at the eco-resort. It’ll be hard to say goodbye to Erikes. He’s been with us since we stepped out of the airport, and he is Brazil to us! 😭

This morning while breaking camp for the last time, we found Moe digging at a splinter in his foot. He borrowed a pin from Erikes and sterilized it with Erikes’ butane lighter. But Moe wasn’t successful getting the splinter out. Erikes gave it a try, digging and poking. He was successful, but not in removing a splinter…

Maurice had a chigger flea that had drilled into the bottom of his foot, laid eggs, and eventually died. Moe’s wife Emily, over text message, researched this and said they’re picked up through walking barefoot in the sand. Something we do basically every day? SO GROSS! In concept and in appearance.

This of course had the rest of us checking our feet. Moe’s “splinter” had bothered him a bit while walking, which is how he noticed. My feet were so dirty, there was no telling what was down there. I cleaned them off with some wet naps, and only saw one spot that was a little tender, but too big for a splinter. It was a dark dot surrounded by a slightly pinker than usual area, like a bit of infection. I showed it to Erikes, and I suggested maybe I just keep my eye on it for a while, no need to be hasty…

Erikes whipped out the pin and started digging. He was simultaneously intrigued and horrified. He had never in his career as an Amazon river guide, nor as a man of Brazil, seen a chigger flea so big. It doesn’t look like much in hindsight, but blood, guts, and eggs is never how you want your day to start.

It left a hole that looked and felt sore as if I had previously stepped on a nail. (Not the sharp pain of the actual nail step, but the lingering mild soreness.) I applied lots of Neosporin and a waterproof band-aid, and socks and shoes. I feel so violated. [Visions of Benj crying naked in a bath tub with the shower pouring down on him, but nothing can scrub the trauma from his memory.] Okay, I’m over it.

A little behind schedule, but off for breakfast at the same place in Presidente Figueiredo. I had cafe pure and a Brazil nut tapioca. Excellent! And I had the foresight to download a couple of albums while we had a network connection in town. Now, with Belle & Sebastian’s “The Boy With The Arab Strap” blasting, we’re off to the final attraction, the big show, the #1 waterfall that all tourists visit, the one we saw advertised at the airport.

Like the Griswolds arriving at Wally-World after an epic journey, our 9 days on an Amazon Mystery Tour was about to reach its grand finale! Drum roll please… 🥁

It’s closed for maintenance today. Sorry.

That’s okay, we’ll catch it next time we’re in the Amazon. Instead, we drive directly to Manaus for Plan B: to check out the vast marketplace downtown. Again, we subject ourselves to the public menace that is Erikes’ driving. Having survived it for the last time now, maybe in hindsight it will fade in my memory to be just another scary driver. But in 43 years I don’t think I’ve been knowingly that close to death by vehicle. Best of luck to all the other drivers and pedestrians who continue to share his road. (We love you regardless, Erikes. Everyone has to have some character flaw.)

The market was really neat. We learned about different uses for the tongue and scales of the giant fish of the Amazon, everything from jewelry to exfoliation and nail files. I got a photo of piranhas, finally. And lots and lots of bananas, still on the vine/branch. I can imagine bustling marketplaces like this one dating back millennia. The only one I’d seen previously was with Pieter Bekker in Leads, England. But I could tell the items for sale at this market hadn’t traveled thousands of miles to get here. It was all from a day’s boat ride away.

After a stop at the Manaus Opera House, Erikes dropped us back at the Tropical Manaus hotel where we stayed our first night off the plane. 👋🏼😘

With real LTE internet for an hour before our next shuttle pick up, we got our FaceTime calls in back home. Cup: refilled. Glad to hear how much fun the fam is having back home, and all the fun I have to look forward to rejoining upon my return. It’ll be an abbreviated summer, just a couple of weeks in Massachusetts before heading back south. But I’ll make it count!

But let’s not get ahead of ourselves! 2.5 hour drive in a nice shuttle van over less-than-nice roads to Anavilhanas Jungle Lodge. We were given water halfway, and then 2/3 of the way we stopped at a cafe where I picked up some juice and cookies and peanut brittle candy.

It wasn’t until after I drank the juice that I realized, reading the bottle closely, that “concentrado” didn’t mean from concentrate, but just concentrate. My little bottle of caju (cashew) juice concentrate was supposed to make 3.5 liters. Zing!

Our eco-resort was at the end of a long dirt road off the highway. Unlike other dirt roads, this one was sliced right through the jungle, sort of like their were jungle-height vertical hedges on both sides of the road. I wonder how they keep that trimmed so nicely?

This resort is all-inclusive of food and excursions. Buffet style dinner was really excellent. There are always pescatarian options here. The Brazilian peanut dessert was lovely, as was the coconut mousse. Yum! And after dinner our first excursion: night boat ride in search of wildlife. We saw a sloth father and child, caimans, interesting birds, a big frog, and a garden boa constrictor. Lightning in the distance stole the show at the end. Just beautiful!

Best part: I’m writing this entry in the morning, because I fell asleep clean and exhausted at 9:30pm and didn’t wake up until 7am. No snoring from Eric except in hammocks I guess?! Sweet.

I awoke at 6:58am after about 9.5 hours in a real bed. There’s a hammock right outside our room, to where we thought Eric might be banished, but that proved unnecessary. All 3 of us are refreshed and ready to attack the breakfast buffet. I enjoyed scrambled eggs with tomatoes and chives, a variety of cheeses, and coffee.

While awaiting the muster for our all-day Rio Negro cruise, I caught up on yesterday’s blogging. Then onto the “big” boat, which is about the same size as the Com te Isaac, maybe a few feet wider and longer. At least it seems bigger, since the entire upstairs is an open deck, without an enclosed cabin in the front half like Isaac.

We headed upstream first, past Nova Airão, the western-most town on the Amazon (Rio Negro tributary) reachable by car from Manaus.

For the 2nd half of the morning we got on the small boat, same as the one we were on last night, to travel back downstream through narrower channels amidst the many islands of the Rio Negro archipelago.

When the guide asked if we wanted to swim, Eric literally jumped at the opportunity. He was in the water before the boat even came to a halt. He set off the man overboard alarm. We all had a good laugh.

Eventually we reached Base I, the only remaining inhabited residence in the National Park, staffed by 2 rangers. As recently as 2 years ago there were 16 rangers spread over 4 bases, tasked with protecting the Amazon from hunters, anglers, and tree harvesters. Due to government corruption, not only has Brazil cut its funding such that only two rangers remain, and their hours/salaries each cut in half, also the international donations from countries like Norway have been diverted into Brazilian officials’ pockets. (This is all according to our guide, but I have no reason to doubt it.)

After signing Base I’s guest book, we got back in the little boat and motored back to the big boat where tables were set elaborately, and lunch was waiting. Delicious fish, rice, steak for those who like it, fruits and mousse for dessert, and extra nice coffee.

After we returned from the big boat ride, Eric, Moe and I played a card game called Citadels. It was fun, but Moe won. So we’ll need a rematch.

After dinner we did a night hike. Long pants, gators, and headlamps. We saw a pretty rad tarantula, a few leaches, and leaf cutter ants.

The best part was when we all shut off our lights and had to make our way the last stretch of the hike through the jungle in the dark. Fun times. 😬

Maurice woke me up this morning “quietly” getting ready to leave the room around 5:45am, so I just decided to get up, too. By 7am I had climbed to the top of Belvedere, the name of the observation tower at our resort. Moe was up there, too. But a sign enumerating the rules for the tower includes “Silence!” so I just nodded at him.

My hope was that I’d find a reliable cell signal up on the tower above the tree canopy. I was not disappointed. Full on 3G! Pages load in only 20 seconds! I knew I should be blogging about the 3 new July Charitocracy nominees, but when I set out to start that, I realized I still needed to blog about the June winner. 4 blog posts to do, and 4 days before the July Top 10 would be selected, the same day I fly home. So I had my work cut out for me! [Future Benj says: “You failed to mention to readers who don’t know you, Benj of yore, that you and Jessica run a nonprofit where donors pool their small donations and vote on the best charity to win it all each month. As little as $13/year to join in the fun!”]

In between our two excursions today I banged out all 4 blog posts. What usually takes me 20 minutes to write each took an hour, since I was working with my iPad on a slow connection instead of my Mac on a fast one. But I got it done! June winner (Together We Rise, for those keeping score at home) posted to Charitocracy blog and cross-posted to Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, LinkedIn, and mailing list. Nominee posts for RAICES, Pan-Mass Challenge, and Mission 22 written and scheduled for the next 3 days. 😅

The excursions I was working around were canoeing and dolphin searching. The first was especially fun. Eric was back paddler and I front paddler for our canoe, dubbed Team America by our guide, who was paired with Moe. There was also a Team Germany, an older couple, and Team Brazil, two middle-aged vixens as Jessica would have called them. We were all racing around through the flooded jungle in our traditional Amazon river canoes and squat heavy wood paddles. (The water here is about 30m higher than it will be in October.) Eric and I were showing off by slaloming around obstacles at full speed.

After we got off the canoes and back onto the speedboat that brought us and the canoes to this part of the river, we had the opportunity to swim for a while. Everyone except Team Germany partook. It started raining. It felt really great! The funniest part was each of us trying to climb (or be dragged) back up into the speed boat. It was not graceful.

The other excursion was a boat ride out across the archipelago in search of gray and pink dolphins. This would have been exciting on Day 1 in the Amazon. But on Day 11, we’ve seen these dolphins almost every day. It’s hard not to see them.

I won’t even mention that I have dolphins in my back yard at home in OBX. (Oh, snap. I just did.) However, the highlight of this excursion was the boat ride back and forth. This was the first time I was taken on shortcuts across islands in a speed boat. The captain wasn’t particularly careful about it, either. We were banging into and bouncing off trees like it was jungle pinball. We barely fit, and we’re getting branches in our faces. But it was pretty cool, having only done this in slow kayaks and canoes previously.

At dinner there was a tarantula watching us eat from the interior edge of the thatched roof.

Just chilling out, doing his thang. NBD. That’s pretty much the attitude of Amazon wildlife, and I can fully relate.

I was first one up today! I checked my watch and it was 5:30am, so I quietly removed myself and headed to the common room where coffee was already on. Moe followed around 6am, and one of our guides, Tony, chatted us up until close to 7am breakfast time.

Our after-breakfast excursion today was piranha fishing. I caught one early on, and since dehooking was probably equally traumatic for both parties of that transaction, I switched my goal to piranha feeding. In case you were wondering, they are indeed down there, they are plentiful, and they love nibbling meat. Nom nom nom. They’re also delicious, as I learned over a couple of meals on this trip. Fair is fair.

This afternoon I cross-posted the next Charitocracy nominee, RAICES (free/cheap immigration attorneys), across social media. Then Eric, Moe and I played another game of Citadels. I came in 2nd again. I think Jessica and the kids will like this game, and I hear it’s better with 4+ players.

Eric bailed, but Moe and I hit a nearby village on the river for our afternoon excursion. We learned how they fish, hunt, and grow their food, and how they mill their crop into a variety of products like the tapioca used to make the pancake-like things we’ve had for breakfast so frequently on this trip. (For lack of better terminology I’ve called them blintzes in previous blog posts, but they are known as tapiocas.) These Amazon river locals have figured a few things out over the years! Including how to generate enough electricity for 3 hours of satellite TV each evening from 6pm – 9pm.

We visited their gift shop full of crafts they’ve made. I picked up a few items of jewelry for the fam. On the way back to the boat we spotted a baby sloth at eye-height in the bottom of a tree. It was sleeping, and probably the most adorable thing I’ve seen on this trip. Its momma was at the top of the same tree. She was probably coming full-speed down to intercept us from bothering her baby, but alas her movement was imperceptible. The baby woke up a couple times and I got a look at its cute face, but not sure I got a good photo of that because it was in the shadow. But it’s in my memory!

It’s fast approaching dinner time, our last one here at Anavilhanas Jungle Lodge. I’m blogging now since we have an early 5am final excursion, a sunrise contemplation. Moe thinks I’ll be an early riser convert after this trip, but I’m less certain… [Future Benj says: “Nope!”]

We all woke up around 4:30am to get ready for our “sunrise contemplation” excursion. I drank a couple of coffees while 9 of us going on this boat ride assembled, and then we motored off into the darkness. We reached a big lake about 30 minutes before sunrise, and just sat there and contemplated. There were thick clouds in the sky and fog on the lake. There would be no sunrise, so I made my own on my phone while the rest of the boat continued to contemplate.

We had our last breakfast at Anavilhanas, and I chatted with a boy, maybe 12, from São Paulo who asked if I was a basketball fan after learning I’m from Boston. (Clearly he doesn’t know that in Boston we excel at all sports.) He’s a Houston Rockets fan. I should have invited him to Boston to reconsider his options. Cool kid, irregardless.

I skipped the morning hike excursion, my first bail, so I’d have enough free time to finally cross-stitch. I dragged it across continents, down rivers, and through jungles for 2 weeks. I wasn’t going to allow over-programming by our eco-resort to rob me of my hobby time. I spent two solid hours stitching some light blue around the fish in my scene. UNTIL I RAN OUT OF LIGHT BLUE!! This hasn’t happened to me ever, running out of a color. I must have lost a length of it at some point in my travels. In the 15 years I’ve been picking away at this project, I’ve probably been on light blue for 2+ years. There’s a strand of it on the armrest of a couch somewhere in the world. Note to self: hit Michaels and pick up some more Dimensions #17976! [Future Benj: I picked up the closest thing Michaels has. It’ll have to be close enough. Or I could pull out and redo the last 2 years worth of progress…]

Last lunch was delicious as always. Apple pie (Amazon deconstructed style) for dessert. And a cute little monkey watching from the trees next to our table. Something new every day! Sorry that this is our last.

At 2pm we were picked up for the long bumpy road back to Manaus.

By 4:30pm we were back at Tropical Manaus hotel. This place was really nice at some point maybe a decade or two ago.

It’s like a big old haunted palace. A ghost town. Creepy as shit.

But it has some nice Amazon river frontage.

We missed opening hours for the adjacent zoo, but we’re kind of expecting more of a pet cemetery anyway. I guess we’ll find out tomorrow, since we have all day to kill before our red eye. But now to see if the one remaining restaurant at this resort actually opens at 7pm like they say…

Every other blog post was written in the moment, live on the ground. This last one is being written by me, Future Benj. Hindsight is not 20/20. Six weeks commit memory murder. I’ll do my best to piece these last few photos into a believable narrative. They’re from the zoo and the beach, so it shouldn’t be too hard! I seem to recognize the main characters. I’ll keep words to a minimum.

One thing you might not have noticed is that all the photos in this blog have a caption. You just need to hover your mouse cursor over them. If you don’t have a cursor, then use your finger to press down on the photo. Maybe the caption will pop up? It does on the Chrome app at least. Figure it out, and then reread the entire blog cover-to-cover to bring some new meaning into your life.

So this zoo adjacent to our hotel was created back in the 70s when this place must have been hopping with tourists from all corners of the globe.

A lot of people have asked Future Benj, “Did you see any jaguars?” The answer has been, “Yes, on our final day!”

There were lots of cool animals at this zoo, and they all seemed to be thriving. But you’ve been to the zoo before, right? You don’t need me to explain this to you. Animals in cages. But this last one’s my favorite.

After the zoo, we killed time by walking to Ponta Negra Beach. We hoped to find some delicious food options, but the beach vendors were all selling beer and candy. I guess if you’re in the right mood, that might be the perfect mix. But we headed back to the hotel and ate pizza at their one restaurant for the 3rd time. (This resort hotel used to have many!)

Maurice and I hit two geocaches near the airport, in what clearly appeared to be drug transactions to passing cars. I think we’d raise more eyebrows if it looked like anything else. We spent all afternoon and night at the airport just chilling out. There was nothing to do there. I got a sandwich and some sort of açaí drink. Eventually near midnight we went through security and boarded our night flight.

We dropped Eric off in Miami at much too early an hour, and proceeded on to Boston.

Now that we’re home safe and sound, here’s a collection of the Top 10 lessons from this trip, in case you want to skip the previous 14 blog posts. (I definitely recommend reclaiming that half hour of your life. You can still pretend you read it all.)

1. Perils ordered from greatest to least: humans in cars, killer plants, chigger fleas, all other animals.
2. It’s super easy to be a pescatarian in the Amazon.
3. The water level is so high in the “wet season” that we’re basically kayaking through treetops.
4. The pH of the river (at least in parts) is too low to support mosquito reproduction, making them a non-factor.
5. Don’t go exploring without leaving virtual breadcrumbs and having some other Plan B.
6. Despite everything you’ve been told, there are a few caves and waterfalls in the Amazon region.
7. Despite being 2º south of the equator, the weather is no worse than a humid summer day in Boston.
8. The concept of pink dolphins never gets old.
9. Piranhas don’t eat you. You eat them.
10. I don’t care how caught up in World Cup fever you are. Don’t play soccer barefoot on a sand pitch.

Until next adventure, Future Benj signing out.